2014 Wrap-Up

Life can make you shake your head in sheer confusion as well as awe.

I feel blessed, but like I said before I feel stressed, but over the last little while I've found myself feeling content 

Content- in a state of peaceful happiness

(this feeling of contentment hit me as we drove in CA over Christmas break in a "beater" car and I felt love for my husband and children and knew that even if we lost everything physical we had worked these last 11 years to obtain I still had our education, temple marriage, and eternal happiness)

and thinking of the quote by Joseph B. Wirthlin,

"come what may and love it"

As we wrap up 2014 I feel some of the balls we have been juggling are coming down and things aren't feeling resolved, but they feel like they will be in time.

This year has thrown us more curves than I ever thought I'd see in my lifetime.

A Rascal Flatts song comes to mind, 

"Yeah, life throws you curves

But you've learned to swerve"

Then I remember a talk by Richard G. Scott early in our marriage at a stake conference in Monterey, CA where he told us to be ready when the Lord tells us to turn "left" in life and I have made so many "lefts" that I feel right back where I started earlier this year.

I feel I've learned empathy, something I never realized I was lacking before all our year's adventures.

Empathy- the ability to understand and share the feelings of another

I keep reminding myself as I feel doubt in my choices creep in this quote by Elder Holland,

Being a companion to my husband still brings me indescribable joy, even in the face of all the messes of the year I have never doubted our loyalty and love for one another.  I know day in and day out we will be side by side, together.  I did not grow up seeing this type of love in my own home so having it in my own life is something I never dreamed of, but my mother dreamed of it for me.

Dolly Parton and Ricky Van Shelton sing a song I love and words of it match my feelings for Jake right now,

"Rockin' chairs, rockin' babies, rock-a-bye, rock of ages

Side by side we'll be together always"

I find myself worried that I lack a degree in the eyes of the world.  I do not have this fear at anytime in my life except when the seas get rocky.  That is when I feel the world is judging me.  It's like being "just a mom" is ok only when things are going perfectly, otherwise it's poor planning on my part.  To the world it would be just terrible if we announced a baby in 2015, but I know I would be thrilled by such an unexpected/unplanned surprise. (no we aren't "trying").  I value education, I feel I am an educated person even if I do lack the pieces of paper like Jake has to show for it.  Maybe someday I'll get one of those to hang on the wall, but for now I am a mother, a proud mother to four wonderfully fulfilling children that try my abilities daily.  My career is never boring, always full of adventure, never ceases to impress me or make me laugh or cry.  

I need to embrace this quote more in my life, I love it so much yet I know I let thoughts of pleasing others/societal norms creep in.  Someday maybe it'll be possible to run away, home school, and become that quirky traveling family who farms that I long to be. 

Sometimes I feel criticized for my choice to be "happy" at all times and in all situations and most of all not cause ripples.  I know that sometimes (not always) that means I bite my tongue, but I've learned I'm happier that way.

This would be my ultimate goal.  I have said for years now I am more of a do stuff person than a buy stuff person.  I love that my children are in a new stage of life that encourages big adventures and memorable moments, moments they can tuck away and remember.  I get to be there for them during all those moments!  

Life for us has been hard this year, I always thought hard was because you made less than ideal choices, but I'm learning that's not necessarily the case.

This year I am thankful for empathy, love, forgiveness, families, education, hope, and eternal promises and blessings.

Even though some of the crazy from 2014 will spill over into 2015 I choose to respond better than I did in 2014.  I choose greatness!