I am happy.

Thoughts written: 3/28/10 at 11:54PM
Sometimes I blog the thoughts that are swirling around in my head when I cannot sleep and never get around to posting them. I found this post and thought I'd share (because I think the quote is fantastic).

Lately I just think how truly happy I am. I don't say that to brag or anything of the sort. It is, if anything, just a total realization for me. I have always tried to be happy, done things that made me happy, but lately I realize that deep down I am happy. I think this realization came from reading this quote:

"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are.

As you create a home, don’t get distracted with a lot of things that have no meaning for you or your family. Don’t dwell on your failures, but think about your successes. Have joy in your home. Have joy in your children. Have joy in your husband. Be grateful for the journey." ~Marjorie P. Hinckley

Things that make me happy:

-I am in the best shape of my life. I am not at the lowest weight of my life but I am in the best shape. I still have goals as far as my health/body/strength/endurance goes but I am so happy with my progress. I am down 37lbs (13lbs left to reach my healthy weight for my height goal) since coming home from the hospital after having Malachi and I can carry 2 babies up three flights of stairs to our condo on my own. I love it.

-My brothers make me happy. They are such wonderful boys. I love seeing the changes in them since staying with us. They inspire me so much. I can see in them the desire to do great things in their lives. I love that.

-I love the mother that I am to my children. I don't know what kind of mother I expected myself to be, but I am happy with the mother that I am. They love me, I love them, and I try each day to have meaningful interactions with them.

-I am so happy to be married to Jake. When he is gone I realize that I can do it all alone when necessary but that it does not make me happy to do so. I need him, I love him, and I want to enjoy this journey of life with him.

While reading Sis. Hinckley's quote I kept thinking about how I always aspired to sew. I had big dreams of sewing blankets for all my children, mending this or that, and all that good sewing stuff. I guess I always thought that sewing made you a better mom. I have come to realize that whether or not my children have hand sewn quilts from me really makes no difference at all. They will not think any more or less of me for that but they will always remember spending time with me.

I think something else that makes me happy is living in the now. I am in no hurry for anything. I do look forward to things but I have no feelings of rushing anything. I'm not in a hurry for Aimi Lark to learn all her letters/numbers, Malachi to walk, or Mali Su to be accident free. I am honestly loving every stage of the game. Sometimes I start to feel guilty for not stressing about things more but when I do find myself stressing over things with my kids it is usually because I am comparing them to another 3, 2, or 10 month old.

Postscript:
And the post just ended right there. Maybe I got too tired to type anymore, maybe my typing caused Jake to stir and I was afraid to wake him, who knows. I just know that I am happy. I am just as happy today as I was when I typed this post.