Feelings

There are some days I find myself feeling as if I am doing it all wrong.

I wonder if I am being the mother I want them to remember.

I wonder if I am there for my husband in the ways I want to be.

I wonder if I am giving myself enough attention so that I can be my best self.

I find myself in a new stage of life.

We are no longer charting a path like we did the first 10 years of marriage.

We are in the thick of it.

I am learning to live in this new here and now.

I am happy with where I am.

I am happy as a wife and mother.

I start full time classes in the fall.

I know that I have the abilities it takes to succeed, but I fear the field I have chosen.

I hope that I have what it takes to succeed and contribute to our family.

I find myself more on the verge of tears than ever as I live as a "single married mom."

I know it could be worse.

I know I am blessed.

I know I have it easier than most in this world.

I know that I am also happy.

But, some days are just harder than others and those days I question it all.

I am a fixer and when it gets hard I want to fix it to make it easy again.

So tonight I will let myself breathe though the hard, overwhelmed, exhausted feelings.

I will loudly press play on hymns as my kids lay in their beds right now and I type this.

Tonight I will finish my math homework.

Tonight I will get a good night of sleep and be ready for the day tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be better, I will be better, I will do better.

Life is good.

Life is what we make of it.

I choose to make a happy life for myself and those around me if I can.